March 22, 2023
“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.”
– Sally Koch
How many times have you been asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Or heard, “If I can help you in any way, just let me know.” When you’re grieving, you will hear those words a lot, probably more than you want to hear them.
You will hear them from well-intentioned people who would move heaven and earth to help you. You may hear them from insincere people who really don’t want to be put out. And you will hear them from people who, looking at you broken and downcast in your grief, don’t know what else to say but know they have to say something.
We’re all imperfect and trying to find a better way. Very often, people feel they have to say something and are uncomfortable about it.
Sometimes it will make you uncomfortable to be asked how you’re doing because you want to be left alone. In fact, the first thing that might come to mind when someone asks, “Is there anything I can do to help?” is “Yes, please just leave me alone.” However, as much as we might want to hide in the shadows, that’s never an option because we need help.
You’ll discover that the best people are often those who don’t have to ask, “Is there anything I can do?” They’re there when you need them. They show up at your doorstep with prepared meals. They offer to watch the kids so you can get some rest. They cut your lawn or they shovel your snow. They leave some groceries for you. Often without asking.
The problem with “If there’s anything I can do to help?” is that a person who is grieving will rarely let someone know… even though they need a ton of help.
Sometimes the greatest “help” is the calm and quiet presence of another person when you are in pain and don’t even have the strength or the will to talk.
***
The best help is often the quiet, reassuring presence of a friend.