The Healing Journey

The traditional way of looking at the grieving process suggests you’d eventually come to “closure.” Much of this thinking was based on a model established by the pioneer researcher in the field, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist who wrote “On Death and Dying” in 1969. Over the years, she taught death and dying courses to thousands of students in medical schools, seminaries, and colleges.

Her theory involved five stages of grief, which were denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Her model was originally based on those who were dying and was later applied to those who were grieving the loss of someone. In recent years, rather than suggesting “closure,” new approaches have been developed, including the bereavement program in the Diocese of Bridgeport, based on “The New Day Journal: A Journey from Grief to Healing” by Sister Mauryeen O’Brien.

With that program, the four tasks of mourning are 1. To accept the reality of the loss 2. To experience the pain of grief 3. To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. 4. To find a way to remember the deceased in the midst of embarking on the rest of one’s journey through life.

Rather than to suggest we are moving toward closure, Director of Bereavement Carolyn Killian says we should recognize that we are “moving toward peace and healing.” Our lives, transformed by our loss, will continue, and even though we have said “good-bye,” our loved one will always be a part of us, watching us, waiting for us when we meet again in the glory of eternal life, where every tear will be wiped away.

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Your grief will always be part of your life. There will not necessarily be closure, but there will be transformation.