March 24, 2023
– William Shakespeare
When we face a great tragedy in our lives, such as the death of a husband or wife or child or parent, many of us are petrified to think of the changes that lie before us, sometimes an entire restructuring of our lives.
After the funeral, so many adjustments must be made, sometimes as disruptive as finding a new place to live. Change can be terrifying, and most of us prefer to have no part of it.
On the other hand, after a loss, there are others who plow headlong into change, rushing forward with anticipation and fervor. They suddenly make major decisions in every area, from finances to living arrangements to personal relations and lifestyle.
Many of them want to get rid of the past so they can get on with the future. They seem to believe that monumental alterations in their life will solve the problem. But grief is not a problem to be solved. Change, they think, will also help them forget the past and their pain.
However, healing takes time. It can’t be rushed, and making rash changes can be harmful in the short and long term.
When Tony died, one of the first things his daughter did after the funeral was to order a large dumpster that stayed in the driveway for days as she began the systematic disposal of his belongings. Part of it may have been therapeutic for her to be rid of reminders, but another part was probably an overwhelming desire to get on with her life. Unfortunately, she made a lot of rash decisions, which the family later regretted.
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Your first concern shouldn’t be a complete overhaul of your life. Take time to process what has happened and understand that healing takes time.