April 30, 2023
“My child and pieces of me live in Heaven.”
– Anonymous
Forty-one years ago, Deacon Donald Ross of St. Pius X Parish and his wife Arlene lost their twin daughters, who were born at 26 weeks of pregnancy. To this day, when he thinks of the loss, he is reminded of the two downcast disciples walking on the Road to Emmaus after Jesus’ crucifixion. In their dejection, they uttered the words, “We had hoped … that he would be the one to redeem Israel.”
“The three saddest words spoken by one of the disciples were ‘we had hoped,’” Deacon Ross says. “We’ll never know how many parents who have lost a child have spoken these same three words.”
“The death of an adult loved one or friend changes a love that has been, but the death of an infant or child changes a love that could have been and never comes to be,” said Deacon Ross.
In the United States, an estimated 19 million parents have suffered the loss of a child — 30 percent of black families, 20 percent of Hispanic families and 16 percent of white families. By age 60, almost 10 percent of Americans have experienced the loss of child, 15 percent by age 70 and 18 percent by age 80.
Deacon Ross says that just as all was not lost at Emmaus, there is hope amid the darkness. And just as the disciples saw the wounds in Christ’s hands when he broke the bread, those who are suffering will recognize the same risen Christ “through their own wounds and those of others as well.”
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The grief over losing a child is an enduring grief that so many share. Jesus does not abandon us or judge us in our grief.