February 15, 2024
“I don’t want to do any more stuff that doesn’t kill me but makes me stronger”
— Mike Shea
One of the most borrowed and bandied about quotes from a philosopher — aside from Socrates’ “Know thyself” — is Friedrich Nietzsche’s “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” The aphorism appears in “Twilight of the Idols,” published in 1888. The complete saying from the German is translated as, “Out of life’s school of war — what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”
Over the years, Nietzsche’s words have been interpreted, reinterpreted and misinterpreted and appeared everywhere from Hollywood movies and punk rock lyrics to philosophical treatises and slogans. Variations of the theme have made their way into the movie Conan the Barbarian and were uttered by the Joker in the Batman movie, The Dark Knight and G. Gordon Liddy, a co-conspirator in the Watergate scandal. But hearing something a lot doesn’t necessarily make it true.
The saying has generally been taken as an affirmation of human resilience in the face of adversity and suffering, including grief. Aside from the fact it may not be true — and research seems to indicate that — it places an unrealistic expectation on people who are suffering, especially those who are grieving. When someone is told their grief will make them stronger, it can sound glib and unsympathetic.
Author Ray Williams reviewed recent research and concluded, “More than 100 scientific studies have examined this question. The highest-quality studies have surveyed people before adversity and then studied them again afterward. Taken together, those studies have found that adversity doesn’t regularly lead to genuine post-traumatic growth.”
But it does tend to humanize us. So with apologies to Nietzsche, the truth is probably better expressed this way: “That which doesn’t kill me makes me more compassionate.” And that’s a good thing.
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