October 3, 2023
After the girl who said she would love him forever left, Dan thought his life had ended. What made it especially painful was that the other guy had been his best friend, so it was a double-barreled betrayal … and try as hard as he could, there was no getting over it. The pain was too intense. Like so many other people who have a loss in their lives, he turned to drinking “to ease the pain.” It worked for a while until the solution became an addiction, and his life completely unraveled. It seemed like one loss led to another and then another, including a succession of girlfriends, his job and his self-respect.
He still remembers his first AA meeting. People understood everything he was going through. His mind was in a fog, but a fellow named Phil collared him and started talking and talking and talking. Dan forgot 99 percent of what he said, but one percent stuck. He said, “Don’t drink and go to meetings” and “Sometimes you just have to stand there and hurt.”
It was as if a light went on in his brain for the first time in a long time. How could an idea that sounded so simpleminded be so profound?
He remembered that line years later when his wife of 50 years, who promised she would love him forever — and kept the promise — died. He didn’t drink to escape the pain. He stood there, looked the pain right in the eye, and hurt. And while he knew the hurt would last a long time, he was certain he would get through it. Then, he got up and went to an AA meeting.
***
Sometimes you’ll find the answers you’re looking for in the simplest things.
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