The Healing Journey

September 19, 2023

Living a life filled with regrets is like not living a life at all. When Sherry died, all Larry could think about were the things they wanted to do, but now would never have a chance to do. The COVID pandemic had put a hold on the plans they made to finally visit Italy, to meet his relatives outside of Florence, to spend time in Assisi and see the tomb of St. Francis. But there was more, there was a lot more … and her death had cut everything short.

It broke Larry’s heart to think that now they would do none of that together. In fact, they hadn’t even done a fraction of the adventures on their “bucket list.”

Yes, we’ve all had the dream of a lifetime, but when a lifetime is cut short, the dream goes up in smoke and we’re assailed by countless regrets.

We should have spent more time with our children and grandchildren, we should have gone into the city more to visit the museums, we should traveled to Europe on our anniversary. The list of “we should haves” can be a long one.

When someone we love dies, regret is such an easy trap to fall into, and regret comes in many shapes and sizes. There are regrets about medical care, regrets about reconciling with estranged family members, regrets about choosing the wrong career, regrets about marrying the wrong person, regrets about spending too much time at work. But nothing will change any of that … and replaying those regrets over and over in your mind will only keep you stuck in your grief.

It’s better to accept the stark reality that there are many things you cannot control in life and that you did the best you could at the time. Savor the wonderful memories you made in your life together. They will sustain you during your dark hours of mourning. Focus more on what you did and less on what you might have done. The healing journey will have enough challenges, don’t add to them.

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