The Healing Journey

We live in a world where someone always has to take the blame. At least that’s what we think. It’s painfully apparent when someone we love dies. There are doctors to blame, there are family members to blame, there are ourselves to blame … and even the person who died. If only they took better care of themselves. If only they got help for their depression or substance abuse. If only.

Then, there are those agonizing situations where the blame is incontrovertible. When someone we love dies because of a drunken driver or is the victim of homicide. How can you deal with such tremendous pain caused by traumatic and sudden death?

You will feel out of control and incapacitated, struggling to process what has happened. You’ll experience deep denial, anger, shock, and maybe even guilt. You may want to seek revenge. And it will seem like there’s an enormous hole in your heart.

First of all, avoid isolation and get help from your doctor or therapist.

Countless families and friends are grappling with the death of a loved one from drunken driving or violence. A study by the American Psychological Association found that traumatic loss often leads to prolonged grief and can even cause post-traumatic stress disorder. There’s no easy path to healing.

You will hurt until you think you can hurt no more. Talk to others who have suffered a similar loss. Look for a retreat you can attend. Seek counseling. There are groups available to help you. You may want to reach out to organizations like MADD and the Victim Connect Resource Center of the National Center for Victims of Crime.

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When someone we love dies from violence or negligence, it is especially important to ask for help.