The Healing Journey

October 30, 2025

The love I lost, and gained

By Michael Shea

For a very long time after the death of my wife, I felt that the profound amount of love I feel for her was now going to go bad and no longer have any value or use. I believed it was only meant for her. During a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend, I asked, “What does a person do with all the love one has for a person who is no longer here, as we’d like them to be?”

Her suggestion was simple: “Give it to someone who needs it.” My knee-jerk reaction was that was entirely too simple to work. Plus, that love was meant exclusively for my wife, so I put the notion on the back burner.

A short time later, I came upon another friend who was in terrible distress, also from grief. This was a person in need of love, and I had some I was not using. I gave it back in the form of listening and empathizing. I got to be of service to another suffering person because I too was suffering. It not only was a good outlet for this backlogged love, but it made the quality of that love that much better.

My wife would be so proud, and I believe that she is. This was exactly what a good soul like her would want me to be doing with love meant for her. Just by putting it out there, it is for her. Grief is teaching me that love follows the same protocols as roll-over minutes on telephone plans. Love does not go bad. Any love I have for anyone is also love for everyone. Not keeping love to myself is a wonderful way to honor the love I lost.

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