The Healing Journey

December 13, 2023

An article in St. Anthony Messenger magazine by Judy Esway told about her personal pain over the loss of her grandson and how it returned unexpectedly 12 years later:

“When I was working as a hospital chaplain in Arizona, I was asked to give a talk on grief to a group of young women whose babies had died. I fretted a little, thinking about it. What could I say to comfort them? How could I possibly understand what these mothers were going through? And then I thought of my oldest daughter, whose only son, my only grandson, had died at birth 12 years earlier. She knew how they felt.”

“As I was walking outside my hospital to an adjacent building where I was to give my presentation, I suddenly felt the presence of Sean Christopher. I became overwhelmed with the realization that now he would be 12 years old. What would he have looked like? How would he have sounded when he laughed? What would be his interests?”

“I was caught off guard and felt completely shaken with grief. I mourned for all those years we didn’t have with him and all the years we’d never have. I mourned that he would never know his three sisters, we could not go to his graduation, he would not be with us at all the holiday meals, and that he was not in our family pictures. I fought back the tears in that lonely walk across the parking lot to the building next door.”

“By the time I made it to the meeting room, I knew I had to pull myself together. I had a talk to give, and I needed to be a professional. But right after the facilitator introduced me and I took the microphone, I started to cry. It was embarrassing, but there seemed no way for me to stop the tears.”

“Then, I spoke from the heart and told the small group of concerned women what had just happened and how grief is never really completely over. It was an opportunity to talk about trigger events, and what better place to have a grief recurrence than right there with women who knew so well how I felt?”

“Though grief may knock the wind out of us for a time, our faith in the Resurrection can be our strength. God made a promise that we will see our loved ones again someday. This we believe. This is our hope.”

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