The Healing Journey

September 30, 2023

When you are grieving, don’t be surprised if loneliness creeps up on you. For a time, you’ll be surrounded by family, friends and well-wishers, but inevitably you will go into your room and cry because you feel so alone, especially if that’s the bed you shared with your spouse.

There are countless other occasions when you’ll experience your loneliness — going to church by yourself, at social settings, sitting down to dinner, during family gatherings. At your favorite restaurant, you’ll no longer be sitting together at the table, you’ll be ordering takeout. Life gets turned upside down.

You’ll miss the companionship, you’ll miss confiding in someone, you’ll even miss the arguments. Your friends, your kids, your neighbors may call, but sooner or later, the calls will stop. And as comforting as some calls can be, you may even get tired of responding the same way to so many people when they ask how you’re doing. You may resort to the untruthful practice of responding, “Better,” “OK,” “Not as bad as before,” although it’s worse than before.

There’s no getting away from the loneliness. In your grief, you will likely feel a physical emptiness in your heart that no amount of courage or feigned optimism can alleviate. This isn’t a time for courage. It’s a time to cry, a time to grieve. Very often, in your loneliness, you will find yourself calling out to the person you lost because, as painful as it may seem, you will get some comfort knowing they’re listening.

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Loneliness is part of grieving. There’s no getting away from it.