May 7, 2023
“Death is also a form of final justice, one in which the scales are balanced by love and forgiveness”
– Dr. Christopher Kerr
For seven months, Sandy left her home and moved in with her mother-in-law who was dying of cancer. The doctors had given her six months to live, but she defied their expectations and was still alive two years later, although now she was failing. Sandy fed her and washed her and took her to doctor’s appointments.
She slept in a room next to Josephine, and late one night, she heard her talking, as if she was having a conversation.
“Mom, is everything, OK?” she asked, entering her room.
The woman nodded and Sandy said, “Who were you talking to?”
“The people,” she responded.
“What people?”
“The ones who are over there,” she said, pointing to the corner of the ceiling.
“What did you say to them?”
“I asked if they wanted something to eat.” Sandy smiled because whenever her Italian mother-in-law had guests, the first thing she would say is “Can I get you something to eat?”
Sandy forgot the incident until after Josephine passed away, and she saw a talk given by Dr. Christopher Kerr, MD, PhD, who was Chief Medical Officer for Hospice & Palliative Care in Buffalo.
Author of “Death Is But a Dream,” his TEDx Buffalo Talk has been viewed 5 million times. It deals with end-of-life dreams and visions of patients, during which they were visited by loved ones, who came to comfort them as they prepared to pass into the next life.
During an interview for a Netflix docuseries, Dr. Kerr said Hospice patients of all ages say they have seen and interacted with deceased loved ones. These experiences, he said, comfort them as they approach the end of life and should offer comfort to their caregivers, family members and friends left behind.
“We’ve done studies of hundreds of bereaved people, and it’s very clear that what is good for the patient is good for the loved ones, and it absolutely soothes them in grief,” he said.
Sandy realized that what she witnessed that summer night were loved ones coming to take Josephine home.
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Increasingly, scientific research reaffirms what we all hope is true … we do not die alone.