April 14, 2023
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
Well into his 70s, Margaret’s father cared for her mother, who had cancer and Alzheimer’s. The doctors gave her six months to live, but he died before she did. She lived for almost three more years. Margaret’s loss was compounded by the fact that she had to come to terms with caring for her mother. Her first thought was “What am I going to do now?”
Every death comes with collateral damage. Every death requires us to confront the frightening prospect that there will be monumental changes in our lives. Dealing with these complications often forces us to push our grieving into the background. Sometimes months pass before we realize the depth of our emotional pain because we never had time to deal with it while we were dealing with practical concerns.
With death comes the need to make hundreds of decisions. Sometimes there are so many decisions that you don’t have time to sit down in silence and in solitude and just cry. Suppressing your grief only adds to the confusion and chaos, and eventually you’ll have to confront your pain. Never underestimate the importance of taking time to grieve.
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In healing, as in recovery, the best advice is always, “A day at a time.” Except when the best advice is “An hour at a time” or “A minute at a time.”