April 13, 2023
“Real grief is not healed by time. If time does anything, it deepens our grief. The longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who she was for us, and the more intimately we experience what her love meant for us…. Yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain.”
– Henry Nouwen
You’ve often heard it said, “Time heals all wounds.” That thought, which is more than 2300 years old, came from the Greek poet Menander who wrote, “Time is the healer of all necessary evils.” And in 1380, the English poet Geoffrey Chaucer wrote, “As tyme hem hurt, tyme doth hem cure.”
Rose Kennedy, who had her share of personal suffering in life, had a different take. She said, “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Time — the mind, protecting its sanity — covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”
But when it comes to our grief over the loss of a loved one, there’s another possibility. God can heal all wounds, but it takes time. For some, that healing comes sooner than it does for others. There is no single formula, and one size doesn’t fit all. However, this much is certain: The process can’t be hurried. Rose Kennedy was right. Relying on time alone merely covers the wound with scar tissue. But God’s ways aren’t man’s ways. From grief can come compassion, sympathy, courage, and most importantly, hope.
Your grief will change you, and your journey will never really end, but it will lead to spiritual and emotional growth that you will share with others. Until then, remember that grief is normal, but it can be frightening and lonely. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but stand there and hurt.
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Grieving is natural when someone we love dies. Every one of us will experience it, but it takes more than just time to heal.